Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Shradhanjali ( An ode )

Originally uploaded by swapna bolleboina.
I was completely shocked and couldn't recover from it for a week. My uncle (Mom’s sister's husband) was no more. When I woke up in the morning, I was surprised to find a missed call from my brother. He usually calls me in the late mornings or evenings. I was surprised to see his number on my cell phone. My heart started pounding. The other day I had talked to my Pinni who informed me of Babai in the hospital. Is it about him or anything else? Why should my brother call me so early? Is something wrong? I had too many questions running through my mind. However, I returned his call and could not control my emotions. Babai was no more. His kidneys, liver and pancreas, all failed at once. I couldn't move from the bed and inspite of Ram consoling me, I was so depressed and could not think of anything else but cry. I wanted to make a quick trip to India but knew I would not be able to make it to have a last glance at him.

I could never even in dreams think of Babai collapsing due to health problems. He was a very health conscious. Babai's day started at 4:00am in the morning. He would go for a walk, return after an hour, have his bath, eat his breakfast, pack his lunch and leave for office by 5:30 am. A strict vegetarian and a teetotaler, he was a great devotee of Sri Shirdi Saibaba. After he was diagnosed with diabetes, he had a very restricted diet. In spite of his busy schedule, he would make it a point to visit my grandma every day, check how she is doing, if needed help someone lese in their family affairs, run errands and make time to relax. He would participate in SHAKHA and was actively involved in a lot of community and social work activities. Every Friday, he had to visit the temple and would fast on that day. However, he never imposed any such rules on my aunt (Pinni) or his kids.

Being the oldest son of his parents, he and my aunt had the responsibility of getting 4 of his sisters married. Both worked hand in hand to get everyone settled and always had room to help others who needed them.

He had a very unique style of socializing which everyone loved. Though he was a person with a serious disposition, he would never shy away from greeting a new person or taking the initiative to talk to them. Slowly through his mild smile and very soft talk, he would build up a rapport. His harmless style of approach won him a lot of friends and acquaintances.

He was very instrumental in helping me reach my goals and in all the important decisions which I made after I came to the US. It was a routine for me to make to make a call home and a call to my Pinni and Babai every weekend. Though he did not have much to talk about, Babai, like my dad used to enquire a lot about what I was doing, the people, climate, living conditions and everything about the US. He wanted to make a trip to the US to visit us. But it is unfortunate that he left the earth in his fifties.

I hope to follow his path and will try to inculcate his ideals of helping everyone in need, being focused, sticking to my roots and following a simplistic lifestyle. I pray to God to help his soul rest in peace.

Though he is not physically present, his impeccable nature has made him immortal. He will always remain amidst us.

Profile Lake

Originally uploaded by swapna bolleboina.
My husband and a couple of our friends visited the White mountains in New Hampshire. We got onto the trail of the white mountains which was a very easy and fun filled walk. There were quite a few interesting sites around the white mountains of which I was completely enchanted by the " Profile lake". It was a very peaceful place ( though located just off a highway) which dragged you into it's serenity. As you can see in the pciture, not only me, but everyone who visits the lake would like to sit there and spend some time staring into the distant hills, splashing some water around and taking in the fresh breeze.
I couldn't resisit myself from taking this picture of our group, who were hypnotized by the lake's calm waters. I love this snap a lot as it had a lot of depth in it:)

Sunday, October 29, 2006

The never ending chase

It’s been long since I blogged or even had a look at the other fellow bloggers work. It would be silly to say that I was very busy but I cannot say that I was lazy either. A lot of transitions and adjustments took place in the past 3 months. A lot of issues needed to be taken care of. I had to focus on many personal and professional components of my life. At times everything looked like an ordeal and at times, I felt I exaggerated the situations. My confidence dwindled and I got lost. But as usual, got up from where I fell, wiped the dust, forgot the pain and continued my chase.

A chase, which is never ending and that keeps evolving my personality. Constant analysis of my thoughts, constant evaluation of what makes me happy or worried, constant rethinking of how to fix situations around me. Seems like a never ending task. However, sometimes I do feel I have made a lot of progress. But at times, I also feel I shouldn’t have to redo everything since I already knew how to do it right the first place. I was just meandering and then getting back to where I should have been in the first place.

I think it’s all a process of learning. A process wherein you repeat your mistakes, make new ones and use your old solutions to solve them.

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