Saturday, March 04, 2006

Strugggle for existance

The past few months have been very stressful for me. Proffessionally as well as personally I have been through a very rough patch. There had been days when I was just numb and dumbfounded. Many a times I questioned my existance, struggled to understand why I was so depressed and unable to cope up with all the chaos. Teaching is not just a career but a passion for me. I believe that I can make the life of budding young adults better by imparting the best of my knowledge and utilising my skills for their betterment. However, I was dissapointed with how things were turning out for me. I was given a class of seven students labelled as emotionally disturbed. As an aspiring Special Educator, I took it as a challenge and thought I would be able to make some sense in their lives. But it took me some time to realize that the class was too much for me to handle. The kids had gone out of control and not enough structure in the system to control the student's behaviors and help them.

The sad part was that I was ignorant and kept blaming myself for being ignorant. Howver there were some factors beyond my control which also contributed to my downfall. However, I never gave up and kept working towards seeking some inner peace those remote successes which I could have. Right now I am in a situation of crisis wherein I am unable to console myself. I am at the verge of depleting my inner motivation to continue on my task. Seems I am just waiting for the break which would soothe me and rekindle the purpose of my life.

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