Introspection

After a series miserable events in my life, I cannot but feel depressed dejected and socially withdrawn from every other thing around. However, this doesn’t help much. Life sucks! Everything is so bitter and drab. You come across the world with the enthusiasm to change; you put in your best only to realize that more needs to be done. A lot of loopholes, which you cannot fill in but for sure, you can be blamed for not doing well. All this after going through a lot of hardships? All this for being passionate about a cause? All this for working so hard to realize one's dreams? What have I not done to get here? I chose a very uncommon and a challenging career. Looked out for opportunities to grow in it. Worked to enhance my scope and the areas wherein I can help. Went to graduate school and successfully finished the school year. From a shaky start I ended up with a great GPA at the end of the coursework. Funded my own education and was able to secure a job to realize my dreams and understand what I wanted to do in the future.
Now, Wait a min? What am I complaining about? Am I supposed to complain or be happy for getting what I want? Well, of course every one goes through a lot of hardships. Most of them are a result of some unavoidable situations, which we have to take up. But, this isn't fair. Yes, My job is a huge struggle. Teaching students with emotional disorders is tough. Working in a small town where diversity is a not heard of or people from other communities are not welcome is tough. Working with parents who are biased and who want things their way is a not a new thing. So why is it that I always focus on my obstacles and failures? Why is it that I am not happy about my accomplishments? Why can't I see the glass half full? Why am I always focusing on the empty part of the glass?

Well, I think we all go through the stages of enthusiasm, struggle, pessimism, frustration and giving up and then reconciliation and improvement. I think I am in the last stage. Or at least I want to think so. The fear of failure and the fear of not living up to the expectations is what troubles me the most. However, I am learning that no one is perfect and that is exactly how we learn.
I want to change my attitude and am looking forward for more positive experiences. I am looking out for opportunities wherein I can utilize my skills and grow as a professional and serve the field of disabilities in the best way possible.