Introspection

Something or the other always bothers me. Well, I know that I am not a pessimist but neither am I an eternal optimist. However, I have realized that I no longer wait to enjoy the fruits of my labor but continue to keep working on the next goals. Apart from this, I have also observed that I take a long time to make a decision. I keep contemplating upon the same thought over and over, consult several others, think over it again and again and then take a step. For instance, choosing a job or even purchasing a laptop. It took me 4 months to buy one . Of course I am glad for the choice I made but sometimes feel that I should have been more quicker in my action.

Apart from this, I feel I am procastinating while the other times I feel I am just waiting for the right time and the right thing. All this leaves me in a very confused state. For instance buying a car. I have been in LA for the last 8 months and it bothers me that I still don't drive around. Most of the times I feel very uncomfortable and the other times ashamed of myself. Every time I take the bus, something in me reminds me of what I have been avoiding for such a long time. I feel embaressed with my situation and as to why I have been waiting for so long to buy a car. However, when I think over it, I realize that I had done my part but need to put in some more effort and may be there is a time for everything.

Off late, I have noticed that I am moving at a very slow pace when compared to others. The next moment, I feel I have been constantly striving to get things done and in the process I am not even acknowledging my efforts and success. I usually have a rough start with anything I venture and slowly gain efficiency and confidence over it. When I look back, it bothers me that I have been really working hard to get things done. Still, I am not where I want to be and am also not satisfied with what I have achieved. So what’s the problem? Is it because I procrastinate when I have to work or think too much when I can move ahead without a second thought?

I am just baffled by my moves and myself. How do I prioritize my work? How do I analyze what is imminent for me? How do I know what doesn't need too much of thinking but needs prompt action? What will help me realize where I need to stop and think more than once before venturing into it? Too many questions leave me once again in a confused state.

Hmmmm......... Well, I just think this is a phase of growing up. May be my thinking process is in the evolving stage and soon will find its stable stage and also the answers to my questions.